Tell me….

 Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver

 

Transformation from the inside out!

Camissa Womens Temple Sweat Lodge

“GrandFather, GrandMother.Creation, Great Mystery. Aho, Spirit.”

This was our prayer and meditation as the core group of Camissa Temple came together to build and then enter a new Sweat Lodge for a women’s sweat,  in Scarborough, Cape Town. One of our temple members, Novukile, had a friend wanting a sweat built on her land, which she will use for sacred ceremony. We were willing labour and lucky enough to be the first to then use it too!

We agreed that physically building something so sacred would be a very fitting beginning process for our temple guardians as we ‘build’ a unique temple space in Camissa Temple for women, together. We are also aware of our own individual needs for healing, rebirthing and reclaiming our connection with Our Mother, Earth. We wanted to share this passage together. We have a deep commitment to authentic relating in this temple, and we felt sure that hard manual labour, a new experience of building together and then the challenge of sweating together would create the perfect pressure cooker experience for triggering and being triggered! Yes, we actually consciously chose that!

Devi, our lodge keeper, created a stellar constellation with all of us. We each had the privilege of holding the position and energy of a planet in its exact position in the lodge as in the night sky above. The moon graced us with her/his beautiful light and the wind laid low for just the perfect amount of time to build and sweat. I knew that it would be a special night, driving through a thick curtain of mist coming in to Scarborough earlier in the evening. I was right.

Personally I enjoyed a deeper, essential connection to Mother as she held me during the intensity of the heat. I battled a headache for most of the day, which was frustrating. Frustrating not to be able to know the mind body link in order to let it go. As a group I feel that we have centered our connection to sacred creation and the great mystery more explicitly within each of us, and as a collective core circle. We have a shared resonance which we can call to when relating gets tricky, or logistics get demanding. We can both source guidance more clearly and now create more meaningfully.

We are blessed and grateful to know and love each other. Makhosi!

Sedona Temple closed as a brothel in the USA: friends and colleagues arrested

This “we work with sexological bodywork or sexuality but we are not sex workers” thing has come to a head in the USA. This challenge and opportunity that affects all those who work with sexuality. A noted South African sexologist has entombed her practice in academia in order to ensure her position on the farthest side of the sex worker scale. She still sells sex toys at great cost when you come for counselling, but this she has rationalised.

Friends, colleagues and teachers in the USA have been arrested on charges of prostitution and profiteering from prostitution. They have been arrested for doing sex work, when it may be that they have not resolved this issue for themselves. Better to embrace the fact that one is a sex worker, be very careful about your work, and align with organisations mobilising for change in the laws than to pretend to be separate entities entirely.

We hear such mixed views on this topic: “The temples of old housed temple prostitutes therefore sex work is a noble profession” versus “This is not sex work, I am but a spiritual guide.” And of course all shades of grey in between, all levels of proficiency in being able to hold the core of one’s work with integrity. Sounds as complex as it should be- since complexity is the beautiful expression of Life.

Sex is blooming hard to regulate if you are a politician, policeman, lawmaker, religion. Darn, Life is so messy and so grey and indeterminate at times. Life is just so… defiantly prolific! Just as you make up one rule for a particular circumstance another arises…

My first loves (gosh I’m so ‘poly’), are the altered states of meditation that arise in the body and breath and subtle energy flow. Any kind of kink, or even plain old therapeutic massage, if done well can take one there- its about the individual capacity for dropping into experience. I like living in those states, and finding more of them. They are only useful if awareness and consciousness results, otherwise they are just playing. Nothing wrong with playing.

Arnold Mindell calls these altered states living the dreambody: and it can be accessed in many ways. The dreambody is the Soul speaking, shouting for attention. She speaks in many ways: through meditation, being ill or dying, having sex, becoming mentally ill or living through a catastrophic event etc. Guess which ways are more popular for those seeking the Soul?

The truth is that ‘sex’ (and my definition is ‘a state of being which involves sexual energy being raised and felt’- this can happen in a conversation),  need not come into it at all, unless this way has been specifically chosen by an individual’s Soul. That is up to God/Fate/Fortuna and a seeker’s courage. But it might.

Should hundreds of people across America wish to use the Way of Sex for personal growth and pay for teachers, facilitators and guides- or playmates- I think that they should be allowed to. I don’t care if you call it tantra or sex work or sensual massage or sexological bodywork.

Sexual expression and identity is our most fundamental freedom- this is a core issue and now the Soul of America is dreaming itself into being. Consider, even, the police and lawmakers as allies in this struggle. How will we support her?

Has it been nearly a whole year?

I will be relaunching this blogsite this month, with so many personal changes informing  my work now, expect  new articles and news soon!

I have recently been exploring the methodology of in depth enquiry into the sensory world, and its been a delightful and trusty tool for awareness…

“We play in the jungle gym of sexuality until our spirit takes us out into a clear field where we can see the stars, the ten thousand radiances of enlightenment. One of those radiances is the dance of sexuality.” Rama

Orgasm

Orgasm is an auto ecstatic phenomenon:

  • through the interplay between polarities
  • the outer feminine triggers the inner masculine
  • given the right environment orgasm is possible
  • partners may trigger it but the ecstacy and the joy is personal

Why Sessions? Why would someone book an ‘intimate’ session with a man or woman who is not their lover?

A client asked me this recently, and at the time I listened only to the emotion of her answer- didn’t try to frame a motivational response. The question has stayed with me, though, and I have a number of good answers:

1. Creating a new reference point: The purpose of a counselling (or bodywork) session is to facilitate supportive change. In other words not just to talk about newness or other perspectives on a problem, but to experience a new way of being that has not been felt before. Talking about the love a non-abusive father has for a daughter is very different to simply being held lovingly and appropriately by a male healer, while grieving the hurt of the past abuse. A deep energetic impartation occurs which the client can carry with them, compared to a conversation.

2.Experiencing skill and mastery from a partner: Professionals have worked hard, and worked deep with themselves to bring artful skill to the session; we have learned technique and we have learned presence. Think of the difference between a massage from your partner, and a massage from a touch therapist!! They do not compare.No matter how lovingly your partner tries to get that headache trigger spot behind your head, it’s not the same as having the professional find it, work on it and fix it. Trust is a big factor in removing guardedness in the body- and the amount of gentle skill that one brings is as important a factor as willingness and kind enthusiasm.

3. A personal, sacred session space: A session is ALL about the client. It is one of the few times in life where you can relax into your own experience and awareness; drop the need to ‘take care’ of the Other. Letting go is so much easier to learn when the roles are clear. After 5 minutes you are not worrying that the Other is bored -they are completely intent on being available to you. When you can focus on your own process, you can go deeper into it. Giving yourself permission to feel and express can begin with session experiences of how healing and ‘right’ that allowing can be. Moving this newfound confidence into your relationship is then easier.

4. a place of no judgement: deeper than experiencing the focused attention of the facilitator is knowing that there is no judgement at all about you, what comes up for you, or how you choose to live your life. We have much experience of the shades of grey in life, and we embrace people’s experiences and challenges as meaningful and full of significance. The relief of being authentic is a delightful experience. Think of a midwife who can honestly say she has heard women make some WEIRD noises in her time. Well, therapists have seen and heard much too! You couldn’t embarrass, surprise or freak us out if you tried (Although, you are welcome to try !!).

5. Its been my experience: I have been privileged to both participate in and facilitate these experiences of trust, intimacy and vulnerability. Every single time has been illuminating, kind, helpful, deeply unifying and healing. I have fond memories of very magickal healing moments, and the beautiful people who I shared them with. Tears turning to pleasure, shame to delight.

I highly recommend considering opening the door on more than counselling…

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