Why Sessions? Why would someone book an ‘intimate’ session with a man or woman who is not their lover?

A client asked me this recently, and at the time I listened only to the emotion of her answer- didn’t try to frame a motivational response. The question has stayed with me, though, and I have a number of good answers:

1. Creating a new reference point: The purpose of a counselling (or bodywork) session is to facilitate supportive change. In other words not just to talk about newness or other perspectives on a problem, but to experience a new way of being that has not been felt before. Talking about the love a non-abusive father has for a daughter is very different to simply being held lovingly and appropriately by a male healer, while grieving the hurt of the past abuse. A deep energetic impartation occurs which the client can carry with them, compared to a conversation.

2.Experiencing skill and mastery from a partner: Professionals have worked hard, and worked deep with themselves to bring artful skill to the session; we have learned technique and we have learned presence. Think of the difference between a massage from your partner, and a massage from a touch therapist!! They do not compare.No matter how lovingly your partner tries to get that headache trigger spot behind your head, it’s not the same as having the professional find it, work on it and fix it. Trust is a big factor in removing guardedness in the body- and the amount of gentle skill that one brings is as important a factor as willingness and kind enthusiasm.

3. A personal, sacred session space: A session is ALL about the client. It is one of the few times in life where you can relax into your own experience and awareness; drop the need to ‘take care’ of the Other. Letting go is so much easier to learn when the roles are clear. After 5 minutes you are not worrying that the Other is bored -they are completely intent on being available to you. When you can focus on your own process, you can go deeper into it. Giving yourself permission to feel and express can begin with session experiences of how healing and ‘right’ that allowing can be. Moving this newfound confidence into your relationship is then easier.

4. a place of no judgement: deeper than experiencing the focused attention of the facilitator is knowing that there is no judgement at all about you, what comes up for you, or how you choose to live your life. We have much experience of the shades of grey in life, and we embrace people’s experiences and challenges as meaningful and full of significance. The relief of being authentic is a delightful experience. Think of a midwife who can honestly say she has heard women make some WEIRD noises in her time. Well, therapists have seen and heard much too! You couldn’t embarrass, surprise or freak us out if you tried (Although, you are welcome to try !!).

5. Its been my experience: I have been privileged to both participate in and facilitate these experiences of trust, intimacy and vulnerability. Every single time has been illuminating, kind, helpful, deeply unifying and healing. I have fond memories of very magickal healing moments, and the beautiful people who I shared them with. Tears turning to pleasure, shame to delight.

I highly recommend considering opening the door on more than counselling…


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Remus
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 19:15:06

    From my only experience of a session with you, I must admit I was profoundly moved. Thank you – know I can see why and how. The process seemed so natural and fluid, but now I am aware of the work and dedication – the “holding space” that it took.


  2. cathwrynn
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 13:21:21

    (DISCLAIMER: nothing in this blog post should be misconstrued so as to get said partners out of future massages)


  3. Barry
    Aug 08, 2010 @ 07:50:21

    K, this is totally awesome ! I occasionally get that question and have never been able to encapsulate it so beautifully and correctly. Thank you . . .


  4. Duncan Knight
    Apr 09, 2011 @ 20:44:56

    Catherine, Thank you for this post. My experiences and that of my clients are very similar. Namaste, Duncan


  5. Trackback: Tantric Therapy » Blog Archive » Why Sessions? Why would someone book an ‘intimate’ session with a man or woman who is not their lover?By Catherine Angela Williams
  6. Trackback: Why Sessions? Why would someone book an “intimate” ession with a man or woman that is not their lover? | Tantric Transformation
  7. Trackback: Why Sessions? Why would someone book an ‘intimate’ session with a man or woman who is not their lover?By Catherine Angela Williams
  8. Trackback: Why Sessions? Why would someone book an ‘intimate’ session with a man or woman who is not their lover?
  9. Trackback: Why Sessions? Why would someone book an “intimate” Session with a man or woman that is not their lover? | I AM Tantra

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